Time Gone By

Okay, Okay, it's been months. I fail. I'm sorry. But I have been so busy! I have: planned a wedding, gotten married, moved, and bought a house! DEATH. So I don't really even have any pictures most recently. I know it's a shock a camera hoe like me but it's true.

However! Joey and I had our first married couple home made breakfast a while a ago. Here is what accumulated over THAT event.

We got a new waffle maker for the wedding!...We didn't know to grease it before the first use...



There was also a bacon problem. Whoops! Didn't grease that either. Our bad.



Results from the day. But Dang it the second round of both bacon, and waffles were mmm, mmm good!



Just another day of lovin and learnin.

Saturday Morning

I LOVE Saturday mornings!

Joey usually stays over and sleeps in my guest room and in the not so wee hours of the morning I run in and jump on the bed. He usually complains at first and then will pretend to go back to sleep. But I know his secrets...he can't sleep when he knows I am awake. Even now I am curled up in my bed under the comforter so he can't hear my avid 'click' 'click' on the keyboard. ANYWAY. We usually have some sort of fancy breakfast while rocking out to the sweet sweet sound of 80's classics.

Sometimes after our bellies are full of empty calories and sugar we will watch some cartoons or the occasional home shopping network crew trying to sell us things we don't need. After some digestion we go get ready and typically go our seperate ways for a few hours and get the "need to's" done.

But today....TODAY I have my last dress fitting and a make up appointment! We are almost to the end of all of this wedding goop. I must say I am extatic. I have tried to enjoy it all but only so much pleasure can come from so much pain. :-)

Theme for this mornings breakfast: Africa by Toto

Her Diamonds

I lost my faith in people on December the 2nd 2008. She took a part of me that day,

and I still hate her for it.

I miss knowing that people were good, and that they just do bad things occasionally. Now I think people are neutral. Sometimes they do good things, sometimes they don't. I miss my innocence and my optimisim.

No this isn't an emo cry for help. Writing it down in a semi-private way just helps me

to stop burrying feelings, which has become a habit.

Holdin' On

"There's a Mountain Dew can with lipstick on it rolling around his truck bed. He just leaves it back there as one of the things he has left of her. When he drives into the late day sun he can see a set of footprints. He ain't gonna clean that windshield, he'd rather just live with the hurt."

-Rascal Flatts

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Why do we hold on?

What is it about these people, these experiences, and these things that are so worth clinging to? I have asked myself this question often, probably too often, as it has taken up many hours of my short life. There are these life moments that are gone. They will not come back, but even if they did it would never be the same, or as good as it was in our thoughts. Our minds play this cruel trick on us, most people refer to it as a "mental block." It is silly of us to only see the good. It is silly because most people, not all but most, don't learn from the good things. We learn from the bad. How can we possibly progress when we are constantly bathing in only a dream?

I am an extremely sentimental person. I cry every single time I move to a new place, I change a job, and even when I give or sell something that I bought and doesn't work. I save old text messages from when friends were nearby because it makes me feel like they are near. I have a T-shirt from an old boyfriend that I still have under my bed. I don't sleep in it anymore, I don't smell it to see if the smell of his skin still lingers on its threads. He isn't a part of my life anymore. However he did play a leading role. I wonder if that's why we hold on....

...Maybe we don't hang on to be happy...

...Maybe we hang on because we are too scared to let go...

...What is worse than falling?

Things That Matter

It has truly been a month of learning and understanding.

There have been many challenges, and there have been many successes and just as many failures. However even the failures taught me a great deal. I have learned to pick my battles, because picking the battles allows you to typically find your victories. I could probably make a list of all the things I have come to understand this month, in fact let us do that!

1. Weddings are for OTHER people not for the bride

and groom. All they want is to be together!

2. Crest whitestrips are a gift from god for photographers.

3. Everyone will always want more, it is human nature.

More time, More love, More tequila, More money.

4. White skirts or tops become see through in the Klamath sun.

5. Love is different for all, some use it for security, others to make them better people. Neither are wrong because if you fully have one the other is sure to follow.

6. A public display of this love is ridiculous and comical to Joey and to myself, why do you have to prove the the world you are into each other? It's the little things that show EACH OTHER that you love.

7. A simple key, lock, and open and shutting door is all a two year old boy needs

to keep quiet for about an hour.

8. A boston terrior who shall remain nameless will run off at any given chance she gets just to

taunt me.

9. When you stop looking for things they tend to find you.

10. The lord sends you the right people at the perfect time whether we see it that way or not.

11. Love is when he sees through your big smile and knows something is wrong. Real love is being able to decipher what department that sadness is in with no help from a sobbing silly girl.

12. REAL LOVE IS SACRIFICE AND COMPROMISE

13. Love is a freaking battlefield. If you have yet to disagree on anything, you aren't being yourself, and no one loves that.

14. I need a vacation

15. The people one works with make the workplace, when there is one negative person it brings everybody down and work is hard enough as it is.

16. Family is the most important thing of all.

It's been a rough 30 days, but I would have it no other way than difficult. Hard lessons are made for us to more fully understand each other, and to more fully understand ourselves.

Life is quick, just hang on and pray to god you make it.

Chloe is my parent's dog.

I am watching her for a couple weeks.

She is very sweet.

She loves to cuddle.

She also loves panties.

Not just any panties, she prefers lace.

EVIDENCE

Flip flop Tan Lines and Laying On My Kitchen Floor

I am a complicated person.

I am always right, always over analytical and never the first to say I'm sorry.

I bring home the bacon, fry it up, and then do the dishes in stilettos.

Most people don't get me because I don't let them.

But then again the few that are in my head are there for good.

I mate for life.

Now of course there's Joey that is the man-love of my life but there is another...

This kid.

This particular entry is for her.

Kaelyn C. Lamb is that sister I have wanted all my life.

We met in a typical fashion....over Oreos (god's cookie) It was just another FHE until we shared our first picture together and understood what gut wrenching friendship was.

We have been through a lot usually ending in a nap to our love song 9 crimes by Damien Rice.

She is the yin to my "yang"--get it Kae Kae?

My favorite story of ours involves a ball, a greenway, and a gut shot. We went on a double date with some boys to a golf course. She and I had only known each other for two months I believe. It was my shot I walked up to my target, swung back and followed through with perfect form. The ball sailed through the air with the greatest of ease...right to Kaelyn's stomach. She doubled over immediately. I dropped my club and ran to my new friend's side certain that she would never speak to me again. I saw her on the ground not saying anything and then I heard a gasp, not from tears, but from laughter. We layed there and laughed for probably 5 minutes with the boys tapping there toes at us. We were inseparable ever since.

She is the first girl friend I have ever had that can make me crack up, or make me sob like an infant with just a facial expression.

She loves me when I am being a hag. She loves me for my flaws. She loves me for my weakness.

To my very best friend, to my sister

I love you the Kae part of Kae/Ash-lyn!

"You're my home, you're my Meridith."

Breathe

I am a lucky girl. I have actually had people tell me that they wish they could trade lives with me. Now, I don't really believe in luck. I think luck is where preparation and good opportunity meet each other but at the risk of having a boring blog, I will use the term "Lucky."



I am so blessed and I am so grateful for all that my father in heaven has given me. But some days the "Why me?" thoughts creep in. To add the cherry on top whenever I decide I really want something that's is logical and appropriate my friends run off and do it. Now, I'm sure they don't do it on purpose but it sure feels like it sometimes. (See reference pictures)

NOT MY REAL DRESS

...Although the "cupcake dress" as I call it was fun.

The Mom car, is it so much to ask?

I have a wonderful family, fantastic friends, a good job with 2 bosses that I just love, and I have a grown up apartment that comes with matching hot manfriend. It is a charmed life I lead, it's a charmed life. Just keep saying it.

I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watchin Me!

It started off a good morning. I almost got a good nights sleep, I have to work today but everyone is gone and I got all my work done so it's not like REAL work, just an easy Friday. I got up, fixed my fine self up grabbed my breakfast and head out the door.

If you haven't seen my house there is a long porch and then stairs on the right one has to go down to get to the parking lot. I strolled along the porch and turned to go down the stairs and there he was, Hasassian! I have only decided to name him that of late due to his aggressive nature. He stood about 5 feet tall and was covered in fur. I saw his fangs glisten in the early morning light. He looked at me and I just looked right back.

I feared I should run but, "No Fear" like Kaelyn said, kept running through my head. I composed myself long enough to capture a quick picture with my phone.

HERE IS THE CULPRIT

He may appear small and cute, but I promise you, he is cunning.

Now mind you, this picture was not taken by a professional.

PURE EVIL.

It's Rainin' Men!

(The one on the far right, yep that one)

There are two new men in my life. One due to the other.The night of Kelda's party I re-met a guy. His Name is Joe, but I call him Joey. He gave me his number over an e-mail and at first I was like riiight. I am gonna date some guy I met at a party. But on our first date he did the one thing all men should do...he complimented my shoes. Any man that pays that much attention to detail is going to be a keeper. What really sealed the deal though was one time in a total casual conversation I said that I didn't like loud noises. One night I went to go see him at work and it was really really loud and he covered my ears. The fact that he remembered something so insignificant makes my heart happy. He is amazing and very sweet. I am sure there will be more to come. :-)

The second new man, well I guess he is no man...he is a fish. He is a genius!

>

His Name is Alexander Protrovsky and he is Russian.












He is Joey and I's fish, we picked him out together. He loves long walks on the beach, and playing with his bubble ball on the top of the water. He is a wonderful new gentleman that I am more than happy to call my pet.



Oh yeah, and I am blonde now...

Here Comes The Sun

Okay, Okay I know I am about 40 years late on this but I had an awesome surprise a few weeks ago! I was sitting at my dining room table with my friend Jimmy and my best friend Kaelyn calls me. It was a Thursday night which is NOT our call day, that's saved for the Lord's day. But we talked for a second and then hung up. WELL Thursday means Grey's Anatomy night so I sit down to watch and she calls again. Not gonna lie, just a little irritated that my phone was ringing during the Greys but it was Kae again. I answered with a whisper, "what? It's Greys." Then those 4 words set me free. "Come Get Your Door."



I flew to my door threw it open and screamed. Then I pounced on her like a lion on a wounded wildebeest. I pulled her in the house and just started to cry. I didn't realize how much I really missed her. She stayed for a few days and we of course rocked the town ESPECIALLY the new Michael's. We were feeling artsy.

Friday night we were out getting the usual...oreos and milk. When we passed this scrumptious chicken. Now cutting it was a TASK, therefore the face. But it was spectacular and our art didn't turn out too bad either.




Saturday night was Kelda's big party. We rocked the Kas Bahh and we all got our dance on. she stayed for a little bit but then needed to drive home.

It was so fun and I love her so much! I was so grateful that she came and I got to see her beautiful face. :-)

Worth Fighting For

I know I am going to get so much flak for this blog but as Mr. Hitler said, "your silence will not save you."

When I moved to Klamath I literally knew no one. The Hempels were the only people that even knew I existed within 300 miles. It was terrifying. My patients quickly became my friends. Not all, but many of them I know their kids names, how many animals they have, things they are worried about as well as what diseases they have.

This one particular patient has always stuck out to me. He is truly one of the most genuine, sweet, and love filled person I have ever met. He has compassion for everyone. When he asks you how you are, he actually listens to your reply and doesn't just wait for his turn to talk.

He came in today to discuss some things that were effecting his new relationship. I greeted him with a smile and he countered with a grin. We got back in the exam room and I could tell that he was holding something back. I asked him how his new relationship was going and he said that he was excited to find somebody to connect with again. So being female I dug for the details. I asked what her name was, and then the inevitable awkward silence. I said, "Charlie," his name isn't Charlie but I love that name and I would like to keep my job so I will call him Charlie. I said to him, "Charlie, it's not a her is it?" He shook his head rolled his eyes and answered with a shy scared "No, his name is Joe." I literally took one jump and said a congratulatory "That is so great!" Here is the part that breaks me. He got a tear in his eye, an ACTUAL TEAR, and said "thank you, I really needed to hear that."

I think that it is a true tragedy in every sense of the word that this wonderful man has met another person that he can share dreams, tears, and all the other life changing experiences that you have in a relationship, and can't scream it from the rooftops. How dare we all judge others for having something that over 50% of the United States desires on a daily basis, Love.

I am from a religion that does not support homosexuality. It is something that I struggle with and get guff from other members all the time. It can't even be talked about in a group without someone looking at me and giving me the "SEE" look because I am so openly loving towards my gays. Am I gay? No. Do I plan to become gay? Nope. I love my men! But I also love people, no matter what others think. And that is something my religion does support.

So judge me.

Three words for you, the same words I told Charlie, Love Is Love.

What Goes Around Comes Around

All Gone

Karma--Good things to good people. Bad things to bad people.





It's hard to believe in karma and work in medicine. Fantastic people get cancer, and people who trash their bodies with caffeine, nicotine, drugs, and alcohol live long prosperous lives. I hate this phrase but it really is unfair. None the less, I believe in karma.





July 2007 I moved to Klamath Falls, I left a good man, I left my family and all my friends. It was sudden and it was drastic. To this day I still get kicked crap for leaving. I do not doubt my decision. I have met people that will forever change my life and hopefully I have made the slightest impact on theirs. However it seems of late that everyone is leaving.





No, I didn't expect everyone to stay and put their lives on hold for the benefit of my own. But good grief!It started with Jon, then onto Kaelyn, Jeff, Keith, Jon again and now Nick will be leaving in a few months. It feels like karma has come around and bit me right on my tuckas. We all grow up, bigger better things come along and I am so excited that great things are happening to the people that I love I really really am. But I can't help but feel like I am alone.





Today at church we took a silent poll and Kelda asked us questions and we had to write our answers on a slip of paper and then hand them back. One of the questions asked, "How many people have felt lonesome recently?" EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the class said that they had felt alone. I have to say that it was a little nice to hear that other people were lonesome too but I was shocked. I guess there is always room to make new friends but dang it, what now? I guess I'm just a dreamer that should learn to know better...