Her Diamonds

I lost my faith in people on December the 2nd 2008. She took a part of me that day,

and I still hate her for it.

I miss knowing that people were good, and that they just do bad things occasionally. Now I think people are neutral. Sometimes they do good things, sometimes they don't. I miss my innocence and my optimisim.

No this isn't an emo cry for help. Writing it down in a semi-private way just helps me

to stop burrying feelings, which has become a habit.

Holdin' On

"There's a Mountain Dew can with lipstick on it rolling around his truck bed. He just leaves it back there as one of the things he has left of her. When he drives into the late day sun he can see a set of footprints. He ain't gonna clean that windshield, he'd rather just live with the hurt."

-Rascal Flatts

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Why do we hold on?

What is it about these people, these experiences, and these things that are so worth clinging to? I have asked myself this question often, probably too often, as it has taken up many hours of my short life. There are these life moments that are gone. They will not come back, but even if they did it would never be the same, or as good as it was in our thoughts. Our minds play this cruel trick on us, most people refer to it as a "mental block." It is silly of us to only see the good. It is silly because most people, not all but most, don't learn from the good things. We learn from the bad. How can we possibly progress when we are constantly bathing in only a dream?

I am an extremely sentimental person. I cry every single time I move to a new place, I change a job, and even when I give or sell something that I bought and doesn't work. I save old text messages from when friends were nearby because it makes me feel like they are near. I have a T-shirt from an old boyfriend that I still have under my bed. I don't sleep in it anymore, I don't smell it to see if the smell of his skin still lingers on its threads. He isn't a part of my life anymore. However he did play a leading role. I wonder if that's why we hold on....

...Maybe we don't hang on to be happy...

...Maybe we hang on because we are too scared to let go...

...What is worse than falling?

Things That Matter

It has truly been a month of learning and understanding.

There have been many challenges, and there have been many successes and just as many failures. However even the failures taught me a great deal. I have learned to pick my battles, because picking the battles allows you to typically find your victories. I could probably make a list of all the things I have come to understand this month, in fact let us do that!

1. Weddings are for OTHER people not for the bride

and groom. All they want is to be together!

2. Crest whitestrips are a gift from god for photographers.

3. Everyone will always want more, it is human nature.

More time, More love, More tequila, More money.

4. White skirts or tops become see through in the Klamath sun.

5. Love is different for all, some use it for security, others to make them better people. Neither are wrong because if you fully have one the other is sure to follow.

6. A public display of this love is ridiculous and comical to Joey and to myself, why do you have to prove the the world you are into each other? It's the little things that show EACH OTHER that you love.

7. A simple key, lock, and open and shutting door is all a two year old boy needs

to keep quiet for about an hour.

8. A boston terrior who shall remain nameless will run off at any given chance she gets just to

taunt me.

9. When you stop looking for things they tend to find you.

10. The lord sends you the right people at the perfect time whether we see it that way or not.

11. Love is when he sees through your big smile and knows something is wrong. Real love is being able to decipher what department that sadness is in with no help from a sobbing silly girl.

12. REAL LOVE IS SACRIFICE AND COMPROMISE

13. Love is a freaking battlefield. If you have yet to disagree on anything, you aren't being yourself, and no one loves that.

14. I need a vacation

15. The people one works with make the workplace, when there is one negative person it brings everybody down and work is hard enough as it is.

16. Family is the most important thing of all.

It's been a rough 30 days, but I would have it no other way than difficult. Hard lessons are made for us to more fully understand each other, and to more fully understand ourselves.

Life is quick, just hang on and pray to god you make it.

Chloe is my parent's dog.

I am watching her for a couple weeks.

She is very sweet.

She loves to cuddle.

She also loves panties.

Not just any panties, she prefers lace.

EVIDENCE

Flip flop Tan Lines and Laying On My Kitchen Floor

I am a complicated person.

I am always right, always over analytical and never the first to say I'm sorry.

I bring home the bacon, fry it up, and then do the dishes in stilettos.

Most people don't get me because I don't let them.

But then again the few that are in my head are there for good.

I mate for life.

Now of course there's Joey that is the man-love of my life but there is another...

This kid.

This particular entry is for her.

Kaelyn C. Lamb is that sister I have wanted all my life.

We met in a typical fashion....over Oreos (god's cookie) It was just another FHE until we shared our first picture together and understood what gut wrenching friendship was.

We have been through a lot usually ending in a nap to our love song 9 crimes by Damien Rice.

She is the yin to my "yang"--get it Kae Kae?

My favorite story of ours involves a ball, a greenway, and a gut shot. We went on a double date with some boys to a golf course. She and I had only known each other for two months I believe. It was my shot I walked up to my target, swung back and followed through with perfect form. The ball sailed through the air with the greatest of ease...right to Kaelyn's stomach. She doubled over immediately. I dropped my club and ran to my new friend's side certain that she would never speak to me again. I saw her on the ground not saying anything and then I heard a gasp, not from tears, but from laughter. We layed there and laughed for probably 5 minutes with the boys tapping there toes at us. We were inseparable ever since.

She is the first girl friend I have ever had that can make me crack up, or make me sob like an infant with just a facial expression.

She loves me when I am being a hag. She loves me for my flaws. She loves me for my weakness.

To my very best friend, to my sister

I love you the Kae part of Kae/Ash-lyn!

"You're my home, you're my Meridith."

Breathe

I am a lucky girl. I have actually had people tell me that they wish they could trade lives with me. Now, I don't really believe in luck. I think luck is where preparation and good opportunity meet each other but at the risk of having a boring blog, I will use the term "Lucky."



I am so blessed and I am so grateful for all that my father in heaven has given me. But some days the "Why me?" thoughts creep in. To add the cherry on top whenever I decide I really want something that's is logical and appropriate my friends run off and do it. Now, I'm sure they don't do it on purpose but it sure feels like it sometimes. (See reference pictures)

NOT MY REAL DRESS

...Although the "cupcake dress" as I call it was fun.

The Mom car, is it so much to ask?

I have a wonderful family, fantastic friends, a good job with 2 bosses that I just love, and I have a grown up apartment that comes with matching hot manfriend. It is a charmed life I lead, it's a charmed life. Just keep saying it.

I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watchin Me!

It started off a good morning. I almost got a good nights sleep, I have to work today but everyone is gone and I got all my work done so it's not like REAL work, just an easy Friday. I got up, fixed my fine self up grabbed my breakfast and head out the door.

If you haven't seen my house there is a long porch and then stairs on the right one has to go down to get to the parking lot. I strolled along the porch and turned to go down the stairs and there he was, Hasassian! I have only decided to name him that of late due to his aggressive nature. He stood about 5 feet tall and was covered in fur. I saw his fangs glisten in the early morning light. He looked at me and I just looked right back.

I feared I should run but, "No Fear" like Kaelyn said, kept running through my head. I composed myself long enough to capture a quick picture with my phone.

HERE IS THE CULPRIT

He may appear small and cute, but I promise you, he is cunning.

Now mind you, this picture was not taken by a professional.

PURE EVIL.