Worth Fighting For

I know I am going to get so much flak for this blog but as Mr. Hitler said, "your silence will not save you."

When I moved to Klamath I literally knew no one. The Hempels were the only people that even knew I existed within 300 miles. It was terrifying. My patients quickly became my friends. Not all, but many of them I know their kids names, how many animals they have, things they are worried about as well as what diseases they have.

This one particular patient has always stuck out to me. He is truly one of the most genuine, sweet, and love filled person I have ever met. He has compassion for everyone. When he asks you how you are, he actually listens to your reply and doesn't just wait for his turn to talk.

He came in today to discuss some things that were effecting his new relationship. I greeted him with a smile and he countered with a grin. We got back in the exam room and I could tell that he was holding something back. I asked him how his new relationship was going and he said that he was excited to find somebody to connect with again. So being female I dug for the details. I asked what her name was, and then the inevitable awkward silence. I said, "Charlie," his name isn't Charlie but I love that name and I would like to keep my job so I will call him Charlie. I said to him, "Charlie, it's not a her is it?" He shook his head rolled his eyes and answered with a shy scared "No, his name is Joe." I literally took one jump and said a congratulatory "That is so great!" Here is the part that breaks me. He got a tear in his eye, an ACTUAL TEAR, and said "thank you, I really needed to hear that."

I think that it is a true tragedy in every sense of the word that this wonderful man has met another person that he can share dreams, tears, and all the other life changing experiences that you have in a relationship, and can't scream it from the rooftops. How dare we all judge others for having something that over 50% of the United States desires on a daily basis, Love.

I am from a religion that does not support homosexuality. It is something that I struggle with and get guff from other members all the time. It can't even be talked about in a group without someone looking at me and giving me the "SEE" look because I am so openly loving towards my gays. Am I gay? No. Do I plan to become gay? Nope. I love my men! But I also love people, no matter what others think. And that is something my religion does support.

So judge me.

Three words for you, the same words I told Charlie, Love Is Love.

What Goes Around Comes Around

All Gone

Karma--Good things to good people. Bad things to bad people.





It's hard to believe in karma and work in medicine. Fantastic people get cancer, and people who trash their bodies with caffeine, nicotine, drugs, and alcohol live long prosperous lives. I hate this phrase but it really is unfair. None the less, I believe in karma.





July 2007 I moved to Klamath Falls, I left a good man, I left my family and all my friends. It was sudden and it was drastic. To this day I still get kicked crap for leaving. I do not doubt my decision. I have met people that will forever change my life and hopefully I have made the slightest impact on theirs. However it seems of late that everyone is leaving.





No, I didn't expect everyone to stay and put their lives on hold for the benefit of my own. But good grief!It started with Jon, then onto Kaelyn, Jeff, Keith, Jon again and now Nick will be leaving in a few months. It feels like karma has come around and bit me right on my tuckas. We all grow up, bigger better things come along and I am so excited that great things are happening to the people that I love I really really am. But I can't help but feel like I am alone.





Today at church we took a silent poll and Kelda asked us questions and we had to write our answers on a slip of paper and then hand them back. One of the questions asked, "How many people have felt lonesome recently?" EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the class said that they had felt alone. I have to say that it was a little nice to hear that other people were lonesome too but I was shocked. I guess there is always room to make new friends but dang it, what now? I guess I'm just a dreamer that should learn to know better...

Break The Ice

My Dearest Josh Guest,

While I have not always been the most reliable friend to you, this one question I can answer, but only for you. As a person of great standing you must truly understand that any strand of pearls can and will be bought at a local jewelry store but these, THESE pearls are special. Why are they so special you ask? Well let me just tell you.

DISCLAIMER: IF ONE OR ALL PARTIES READING THIS BLOG ARE STILL BELIEVERS IN SANTA...KEEP READING.

Young Josh, the lovely strand of pearls that you inquired about came from the North Pole from one obese elderly man in red. In my many travels I have had the opportunity to travel to the top of our little planet. I was wearing nothing but my lucky jeans(which unfortunately have a hole in them mid-thigh, NOT GOOD FOR SNOW)and a light NorthFace fleece jacket. Needless to say it was rather chilly with their negative 600 degree weather.

While I was making my way up to the top of Mt. Crumpit I fell upon some rather sweet reindeer friends I now affectionately call Vixen, and Donner. As you might know all of Santa's reindeer are female so I felt comfortable when Donner asked me to jump on her back and she would take me to warmth. Like any 20 year old I trusted the talking snow creature and hopped on.

Our adventure was swift and bloody freezing. As we arrived to our destination I knew immediately that we were at Santa's house. I knew this primarily from the giant sign that said "Welcome to Santa's house." Vixen invited me inside the shack and being the trusting soul I am I politely obliged. Inside I found a whole lot of cookies, candy canes and reindeer feces, they all live together you see. The rather heavy man sitting in the big red chair had invited me to sit on his lap. Now I have been around the block and any man older than 40 who invites you to sit on his lap is officially labeled CREEPER. Regretfully I declined the molesters offer and sat next to my home girls AKA The Reindeer.

The old man continued to try to talk to me but I think after 6 hours he finally picked up on my, "please don't talk to me's" and the occasional, "They let you near children?" Not taking offence to any of these comments he finally asked me to step outside with him. I agreed due to the fact that the sweet smell of cookies and scat, were getting to my stomach.

After a few awkward moments the elderly gentleman asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I answered the same way that I answered you today Brother Guest, " I want to go home and see my family." In addition I asked him for some help with the whole getting warm thing. He made a suggestive comment to me and was quickly met with a rapid slap to the face (that's really why his cheeks are always red) and then he did something unexpected. He rolled up a very small snowball, then another, then another. After about 50 snowballs he pulled a very long white hair from his beard and laid it across the snowballs. One warm breath from his mouth and the hair sunk into the white balls. He then lifted the roped snowball necklace from the ground and tied it around my neck. He swore that the necklace would keep Me warm. I called BS on that but it worked! Then he poofed me home to my family.

So sir, as you might have concluded, I wore the pearls to church today not to look nice but to keep me warm.

Thank you very much for your inquiry about my necklace and I hope I renewed your faith in Santa my very tall handsome friend.

Your Over Dramatic Wife for the Day,
Ash

Out From Under

Well the hustle and bustle of the holiday season is truly upon us. I had made a few Christmas gift purchases and headed to the dollar tree to buy the basics; tape, wrapping paper, bags etc. I walked into the store and found an overpopulated hospital. There were people everywhere. As you might know I like people in small doses. As I shifted through the aisles trying to find my necessities I was infested with people I would label as "low." They were unkept, dirty, poorly dressed and sick. Harsh I know, but it's a harsh world.

After all items had been gathered I prepared to stand in the line of ill taken care of beings. All this time I was in my "west Salem" state of mind (I am too good to be standing next you.) But when I got to the check stand I found an attractive older black woman with a big smile on her face. Now like I said I like people very much in small groups, but I especially like black people because they speak their mind. I made polite small talk as she rang up all my goodies. I said something along the lines of "My goodness, I bet you are really excited for your shift to be up soon."

Now we all have these moments in life that when you come upon them you just know that in that second something in you has been changed forever. This was my slap in the face, my sobering thought if you will.

She said, "Well I appreciate the extra hours," this is the part that kills me even in this moment while I hit the replay button I have a tear running down my cheek. She paused from checking, looked in my eyes and said, "Babies just don't understand why there isn't food on the table." It felt like I just took a bullet.

We all complain at one time or another that there isn't enough money but for this woman there REALLY isn't enough money. I got in the car, called my mom and thanked her for all she has done for me.

I am going to try to live a more grateful life. This will be my New Years Resolution.

He's Just A Boy.

Boys are stupid. Except for that they aren't at all.

There is something about a man that wants you, but he can't.

If he thought I would wait for him, he thought wrong. Except for that he knows I will.

And I wish he wouldn't look at me like that it just makes me want to make him near me always.

I want him to stay. Except that I know he won't.

Boys are stupid.

My Life Soundtrack

Ashlyn:The Soundtrack



Opening Credits: Bitch-Merideth Brooks
Elementary Theme: The Overture-Cats
Middle School Theme: Tearin Up my heart-'NSYNC
High School Theme: Swing Swing-All American Rejects Prom: All my Life-K-Ci and JoJo College Theme: Not A Girl Not Yet A Woman-Britney Spears
Falling In Love: I'll Be-Edwin McCain
Fight Song: Fighter-Christina Aguilera
Breaking Up: The things lovers do-Julie Andrews
Mental Breakdown: 9 Crimes-Damien Rice
Driving: Two Times-The Blakes
Flashback: Boston-Augustana
Getting Back Together: What I Didn't Say-Saving Jane
Wedding: Here - Rascal Flats
Final Battle: I'm not Okay- My Chemical Romance
Death Scene: Savannah Smiles-Okkervil River
Funeral Song: Please Remember Me-Tim McGraw
End Credits: The Quest- Bryn Christopher

The Tragedy That We Know As The End

It's Been A Year Today Since Tracey Died.


...They Said It Would Feel Better By Now.